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If so, how do you deal with that trauma?
I couldn't even watch it. I've attempted it twice now, but this time I didn't even make it as far as the first time. I think I don't hate myself enough anymore to do this to me. 

In case you don't know the movie - here's an amv that could be described as "Felidae and Plague Dogs in a nutshell". The stuff about cats is Felidae, the rest is from Plague Dogs:


I've actually written a small rant of it, one of the reasons why I can't watch it, but I decided not to upload it at this point, seeing how it ends with "Fuck Humanity" and I generally have a policy to not upload stuff like that without waiting a few days and reading over it again. So yeah, that as an explanation as to why there's so little text. 


(On a different note, I'm still pretty much on a hitaus, though I'm working to be active again sometime in the future. The thing is, there are three websites I want to be active on - Wandlung, Aywas and deviantArt. The thing is, in order to efficiently become active again on these sites, there's some work I'll have to do. Once Wandlung is read for the new RP to start, with all the background info ready and the map finished and all, it should only be one or two RPs to write, hopefully two since I want to revive "Die Jagd nach Fennek die zur Jagd nach Maester wurde" (The hunting of Fennek that became the Hunting of Maester, or something?) in a different way - it's been about three years already since it was last written and since they couldn't stop the evil me until then, there's been three years to turn every strawberry in the world into my servants and- well, anyway. Once that's done, I want to see that I can gather 5 Silver Paws on Aywas to get myself a Price Helper, meaning that checking prices for stuff to sell in my shop would be MUCH easier. That way, I could easily earn some Blue Paws extra - also reducing my workload in total. And once all that is done, I want to take on the biggest challenge, getting active on deviantArt again and sorting through my 1,231 messages, though I'm sure there will be much more when I'm ready to take on the challenge. Anyway, I think I've calmed down a bit and can get back to working on the map for Wandlung again... Let's see if I can get that old dusty forum active again. Also, its birthday is the 10.10.2010, which is just the more awesome because I only realized that some time afterwards. After that comes Aywas because it hopefully shouldn't be too much work and then... deviantArt. Let's see if I can get all of these done, but seeing how I can finally be nocturnal again and don't have school-ish stuff to take up my time, I guess I won't get a better chance than now)
On the 14th July, I found out that the 18th June is Autistic Pride Day. Whoops, looks like I just missed that. Now, what to do about that? I know: MAKE EVERY DAY AUTISTIC PRIDE DAY!

There's a German website that appears to have content made out of gold, metaphorically speaking. I couldn't really find an English equivalent of it, but the very short version is (and this is something I agree with wholeheartedly):

Autism is not a disease, not a sickness and not a mental illness. No two brains are the same and no two brains should be the same and Autism is more a part of neurodiversity. The problem is that this society is so completely adapted to non-autistic people (often called NTs) that it thinks that everything tat divides from the norm is an illness, a disease that needs to be cured. But it's not. 

Do you have an identity? Do you have that something that makes you you, that makes you different from anyone else in some way, that makes you who you are and that you wouldn't want to live without? 
"Autism" is the description of people who are individually different from other people in some way, something you might not even notice if this society was built up differently, in a more accepting and tolerating way. The only way to "cure" Autism is to take away the identity of the person, by torturing them until their mind breaks or something. And trust me, that's not nearly as fun as it sounds. (It doesn't sound fun, meaning that it's much worse) 

I am who I am and if you can't accept that, shut the fuck up and go home, otherwise feel free to have a cookie. 
Just let me be who I am and I'm happy. 
EDIT
Oh wow, I've been wanting to update this for a few days, though I didn't get to it until now, probably because of all these awesome mods for Sims 2 I had to install >_> [When my Laptop lost its internet because of Router problems, I used my father's PC to go on the internets and stuff. But I lacked something to do. And then there was this Icon of Apartment Life...] 
Basically, something has changed and the new resolution is: 
"Screw that losing weight stuff, I need a shell to tuck in my head for when I get confronted with one of my traumas, but I'll still see that I eat healthier and don't forget to eat something"

What happened, was, in fact, a confrontation with one of my traumas. Did you know, by the way, that cooking and sewing under extreme pressure, with no sympathy and being forced to do stuff (cooking/sewing) when you don't want it can traumatize you? Because it can and did for me. At least now I know that it's not just a bad feeling but an actual, full-fledged trauma, or at least that's what I conclude after not being able to stop my body from crying and shivering. It's really hard to explain what it feels like, among others because I don't have access to any suppressed feelings, but it's awful. I just have the feeling I should stick with my (physical/mental/metaphorical) shell for at least until the world around me stops being so awful. Which it probably never will. Whatever. 
(Note: I mostly just wrote this update because I need to justify a new journal entry for myself)




Today, I woke up with some pain in the right half of my belly, remembered that I forgot to eat something yesterday evening, while realizing that any movement would hurt, then looked up the symptoms of appendicitis, thankfully realized that only one of the symptoms would match and that only barely (the pain is supposed to wander, but it was already in place when I woke up), so I got up and realized that the pain was gone. Phew. Hopefully, that will stay a regular bit of tummy ache. 

What I did realize, however, is that I spend way too less time inside of my own body, mentally seen. I'm so often completely elsewhere, be it on the PC, in my head or in a book, that I've kinda forgotten about my body. Which, you know, I need in order to access the internet, read books and think of new stories for my old or new OCs. 
One of the reasons, in all honesty, why I don't spend this much time in it is because the first thing I'd have to do is lose some weight. I mean yeah, there are some who are MUCH worse, but I'm still a bit overweight >_> My mind-me isn't, but my mind-me is still 8 and when I was 8, everything was great, the world was in one piece and I didn't have to bottle up my emotions [Note: In German, that saying is "etwas in sich hineinfressen", which literary translated would mean to eat something into of them, which I guess is quite fitting because around the 5th grade, when 90% of all humanity became evil, I started eating things into me both physically and psychologically. That's how it started, anyway]. I wouldn't have a weight goal in numbers, but I remember as a kid that normally, you wouldn't see the ribs, but if I would suck in my stomach, I could barely see them. I think that'd be an ideal thing, and I'd also hope that it makes the upper half of my body flatter, because I want to be 8 again, DAMMIT! ;_; Okay, okay, I know that's not possible. But the closest I can get to my stage at 8, then. 

Soooo, long story short, I need to spend more time with and inside of my body, craft my real-life avatar (the body) a bit and see that I get a healthier style of living in general and I'll also try not to forget to eat. I'll do my best to silence my inherited psychosis (Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad!) which is right now telling me that I am going to die of appendicitis until it finds a new thing to do, like telling me that this woman that's also walking the same way to the train station in a bit of distance, is obviously wanting to kidnap me. Obviously. (At least I'm getting better and better at spotting what's the product of my psychosis and calling it bullshit - it only took me, meh, maybe 5-8 minutes to get at that last example)
Until I'm better at all of that, I guess I won't really get to spend much time on deviantArt, so yay, Hitaus!
If so, how do you deal with that trauma?
I couldn't even watch it. I've attempted it twice now, but this time I didn't even make it as far as the first time. I think I don't hate myself enough anymore to do this to me. 

In case you don't know the movie - here's an amv that could be described as "Felidae and Plague Dogs in a nutshell". The stuff about cats is Felidae, the rest is from Plague Dogs:


I've actually written a small rant of it, one of the reasons why I can't watch it, but I decided not to upload it at this point, seeing how it ends with "Fuck Humanity" and I generally have a policy to not upload stuff like that without waiting a few days and reading over it again. So yeah, that as an explanation as to why there's so little text. 


(On a different note, I'm still pretty much on a hitaus, though I'm working to be active again sometime in the future. The thing is, there are three websites I want to be active on - Wandlung, Aywas and deviantArt. The thing is, in order to efficiently become active again on these sites, there's some work I'll have to do. Once Wandlung is read for the new RP to start, with all the background info ready and the map finished and all, it should only be one or two RPs to write, hopefully two since I want to revive "Die Jagd nach Fennek die zur Jagd nach Maester wurde" (The hunting of Fennek that became the Hunting of Maester, or something?) in a different way - it's been about three years already since it was last written and since they couldn't stop the evil me until then, there's been three years to turn every strawberry in the world into my servants and- well, anyway. Once that's done, I want to see that I can gather 5 Silver Paws on Aywas to get myself a Price Helper, meaning that checking prices for stuff to sell in my shop would be MUCH easier. That way, I could easily earn some Blue Paws extra - also reducing my workload in total. And once all that is done, I want to take on the biggest challenge, getting active on deviantArt again and sorting through my 1,231 messages, though I'm sure there will be much more when I'm ready to take on the challenge. Anyway, I think I've calmed down a bit and can get back to working on the map for Wandlung again... Let's see if I can get that old dusty forum active again. Also, its birthday is the 10.10.2010, which is just the more awesome because I only realized that some time afterwards. After that comes Aywas because it hopefully shouldn't be too much work and then... deviantArt. Let's see if I can get all of these done, but seeing how I can finally be nocturnal again and don't have school-ish stuff to take up my time, I guess I won't get a better chance than now)

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YamiSelina
Yami
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Germany
Probably offline playing Tales of games.

So Many Fandoms so Little Time by endlerArt thief beating stick stamp by raynubuDA Stamp - So Many Ideas... by phantompanther
Mechanima Stamp by Myrcury-ArtTales of Legendia by FunkMasterIonTOL- The Legacy by freezingfeathers
Just talking with my OCs... by ShadowXEyenoomOriginal Characters Stamp by nitchzombie:thumb254250780:
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:icongumichii:
Gumichii Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fav :heart:
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:icontakechi-neko:
Takechi-neko Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014
thanks for the fave : 3
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:iconartimasstudio:
ArtimasStudio Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks so much for the :+fav: :heart: :glomp: :meow:
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:iconayaring:
ayaring Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Thank you very much for the fave!/////
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:icondark-fire-dragoness:
Dark-Fire-Dragoness Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I did the something. >_> sta.sh/0b6z3loyo5d
I failed miserably at an actual human though. X3
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:iconyamiselina:
YamiSelina Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, that's something I can work with :dummy: That is, if it's okay for me to humanize her? Also, any ideas what the colors (of her skin, hair, clothes) would be? :O
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:icondark-fire-dragoness:
Dark-Fire-Dragoness Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yesh. X3 Her hair and stuff would be like this I guess, or just black hair. Skin just Caucasian, black jacket and pants with a red shirt? X3 I don't know, something like that. d:
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:iconanne-wild:
anne-wild Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
 You are tagged, dear! ^^
anne-wild.deviantart.com/journ…
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:icontala-shi:
Tala-shi Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
hey, mind checking out my post in the admin area?
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:iconrobo-shark:
Robo-Shark Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Happy birthdaaay! I hope you have a great bday dude :cake:
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